Many domestic violence victims do not speak up because they fear being judged and pressured by others.
Women tend to stay in abusive relationships because of:
Distorted thoughts; being controlled and hurt is traumatizing. One who is being abused is worn down which causes despair and guilt. These traumas lead to self blame. For instance women have shared “I believed I deserved it. I blamed myself because I thought I triggered him”.
Wanting to be a savior; women tend to believe they can love the bad habits out of them.”I believed I could love the abuse out of him. I thought I`d fix him and teach him love”. We cannot fix already damaged people. Women end up hurting themselves because of this notion.
Children; We all know our mothers are more than ready to sacrifice and endure any pain for us. Women in abusive marriages put the safety of their children first. Afraid they could get hurt in the process.
Other people’s expectations; especially in this generation we are in. We tend to care more about what other people’s opinions are going to be, instead of thinking of your own mental health. Afraid to be called names when they walk out of their marriages yet they are the one`s suffering alone in the dark.
An influential woman popularly known as Amirah has recently come out and speaking about her divorce with her ex husband Jimal Roho Safi. She said she was in an abusive marriage. Amirah also noted that she regrets not leaving the marriage early enough.
When she was asked what she would tell her kids about the whole situation Amirah said, “They are big boys, they know everything that has been happening…..I can’t answer all the questions. But since the internet never forgets, I`ll leave this here. I stayed in a toxic and violent marriage for them. Held on to a marriage that was already broken. I left because I had to be happy with myself.”
A story of a Nigerian artist, Osinachi Nwachwukwu, trended online reports saying that she died due to being a victim of domestic abuse. Tabloids had it that the cause of her death was a kick in her chest by her husband, Peter Nwachwukwu, causing an injury which placed her on five days life support machine before she passed away. She left behind four children.
What would you opt between being single and alive or die in an abusive marriage?
Incas you are a victim of domestic abuse you can seek help from FIDA Kenya. Reach them through their toll free number 0800-720-50. They offer legal advice and psychological support.
It’s my prayer that women in abusive marriages would decide to take the first step and walk out of their toxic marriages and explain to their kids later in life they would understand.
